Supportive Women

I apologize in advance to my friends who are grammar fiends. This post is more about what is going through my head rather than properly constructing a sentence.

Today I had the pleasure of attending a MOPS meeting. If you think this means we cleaned the floors...I guess you don't know about this amazing international group for Mothers of Preschoolers. I had the opportunity to share my pain and healing journey with them today regarding, well...I'm not sure what to call it. In my head I refer to it as my year of crap (YOC). Mainly because that's how it felt, crap on top of crap that I had to process and mourn and grow-up. Both grandmothers dying, cancer in the family, new pregnancy, depression, friend groups changing, missing so many family functions because of so many circumstances.

It was God's timing for sure that this meeting fell 3 years and 1 day after the miscarriage that started off my YOC. I shared with these ladies how I experienced a miscarriage when my husband was away on a youth retreat. I shared the details I was ashamed of. I shared my tears and pain. They listened, they prayed, they really cared. Then they shared hope. They helped me process.

I have healed a great deal from my YOC, but there are always things popping up to remind me. There's shame that I've come so far in my mourning. I feel sometimes that I am doing a disservice to the memories of those I lost to have come so far. I know this is not true but I feel guilty sometimes remember how deep my sadness was and how that has turned.

I've had a great deal of support these past 3 years from friends and family. From the friend who sat with me basically until my husband came home from the retreat but held me up far after he was home, to the members of my church who prayed over me, to strangers who listened as I cried over my children in the grocery store. I've had my family to grieve with and share memories. My children have grown in so many ways and my marriage has been tested and strengthened.

All this is to say, Thank you ladies, thank you. Thank you for letting me go first and share my story with you.

An Open Letter to Curtis Stone, My "Take Home Chef"

Dear Curtis,

I want to begin by thanking you. Because of you, I have some great memories. I'll explain but I have to set the stage.

I was a sophomore in college in 2007 and had a bad breakup with my first boyfriend. It was spring break, but instead of going somewhere warm with a group of friends, I ventured to Michigan to spend ten days with my grandma. My grandpa had died years earlier so it was just the two of us in her house.

This amazing woman was just who I needed to spend time with. She, without saying "It'll be OK," showed me I would be OK. She took me to get my hair done, took me to restaurants, tended to me I wasn't feeling well, and taught me to cook a few things.

You're probably wondering, what does this have to do with me?

Well, this is when we got hooked on "Take Home Chef." We watched you meet people in the grocery store and make food for them every day I was there. This is when we stopped going out to eat and started cooking together.

We giggled and dreamed about if you somehow would be in our local Meijer and choose us to cook for. We knew this wouldn't happen but it didn't stop us from going to the grocery store for the most mundane items, in in case.

Because of you and that show, my grandma and I shared something that was only us. You were the catalyst to bond us together and heal a young heart.

I went back to school, grew up a bit, found the love of my life and now have my own strong family.

Now you're probably wondering why this memory is coming back almost ten years later. My dear grandma passed away July 2015. Only 12 days after my second son, her third great-grandbaby was born.

Now, 9 months later, I'm to the point in my grief where I'm able to unpack my memories. That's when I looked back and realized you were a thread through the past decade of my memories with my grandma.

These precious memories I'm holding so dear right now in my grief. Thank you for doing "Take Home Chef." Thank you for inspiring us to cook for each other. Thank you for being a string tied to a memory of comfort and caring.

Bless you in your life. Thank you for blessing mine.

Cindy