Supportive Women

I apologize in advance to my friends who are grammar fiends. This post is more about what is going through my head rather than properly constructing a sentence.

Today I had the pleasure of attending a MOPS meeting. If you think this means we cleaned the floors...I guess you don't know about this amazing international group for Mothers of Preschoolers. I had the opportunity to share my pain and healing journey with them today regarding, well...I'm not sure what to call it. In my head I refer to it as my year of crap (YOC). Mainly because that's how it felt, crap on top of crap that I had to process and mourn and grow-up. Both grandmothers dying, cancer in the family, new pregnancy, depression, friend groups changing, missing so many family functions because of so many circumstances.

It was God's timing for sure that this meeting fell 3 years and 1 day after the miscarriage that started off my YOC. I shared with these ladies how I experienced a miscarriage when my husband was away on a youth retreat. I shared the details I was ashamed of. I shared my tears and pain. They listened, they prayed, they really cared. Then they shared hope. They helped me process.

I have healed a great deal from my YOC, but there are always things popping up to remind me. There's shame that I've come so far in my mourning. I feel sometimes that I am doing a disservice to the memories of those I lost to have come so far. I know this is not true but I feel guilty sometimes remember how deep my sadness was and how that has turned.

I've had a great deal of support these past 3 years from friends and family. From the friend who sat with me basically until my husband came home from the retreat but held me up far after he was home, to the members of my church who prayed over me, to strangers who listened as I cried over my children in the grocery store. I've had my family to grieve with and share memories. My children have grown in so many ways and my marriage has been tested and strengthened.

All this is to say, Thank you ladies, thank you. Thank you for letting me go first and share my story with you.